Max's First Bath!

We gave Max his first “real” bath on Sunday afternoon. His mother had wiped him down a couple of times, but this was the first time he would get the full treatment. Shannon was worried how he would react. I may have mentioned before that Max doesn’t seem to like being naked. (He gets that from his mother.) Like any new mom, she doesn’t want to see her baby upset. I, on the other hand, have been dying to give the kid a bath since I watched him being born. Sure he looks and smells clean, but I saw how dirty his apartment was before he moved in with us. Of course, we had to wait until his umbilical “stump” fell off and healed. With that accomplished, it was time for a proper scrub.

First thing I had to do was decide where this delicate dance would take place. My options were the kitchen sink, the bathtub or the sink in the bathroom next to the nursery. I hadn’t finished cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast, so I ruled that out. (Of course, I briefly considered how I could wash the baby and the skillet at the same time.) I settled on the bathroom sink.

Like the child care books recommend, I got out everything we would need and put it in arms reach of the sink. I put a couple of towels on the counter next to the sink. I didn’t know how much water we were going to have to wipe up. I could easily see this thing getting out of hand. All I need now was a baby and a video camera.

I filled up the sink and put in some Johnson's baby shampoo while Shannon took off Max’s clothes. When she was ready to lower him into the water, I grabbed the video camera. I wanted to make sure and record his first bath for posterity. That and so I can embarrass him as a teenager.

As we predicted, he was not very happy about being naked and wet. He began to squirm and fuss. Shannon tenderly let me know that she was having trouble holding our slippery son, and that I should put down the camera and help her. I took Max’s head and neck in my left hand and hooked my thumb under his arm. It was like trying to hold a catfish one handed. I gently washed his head and body with a washcloth. I thought I was doing a great job because his cry dulled to a whimper. It was then I noticed the stream of pee shooting out of the water. It had to be a foot higher than the counter. I cupped my right hand and attempted to block the spray from getting everywhere. All I could think was “This is the kind of stuff that should be on the video.” Shannon wrapped him in a towel while I drained and refilled the sink. I put him back in the water and rinsed him off. To my surprise he didn’t fuss when I slowly poured warm water over his head.

When I was done, we dried him off and then greased him up like a bodybuilder. I put a fresh diaper on him and then some tiny, footie jammies with a puppy on them. He smelled and looked fresh and clean. I swear he was smiling at me. I held him in my arms and declared, “First bath complete.”

It was at that moment I felt him poop his diaper.